invisible expectations

invisible expectations

it started as
we will support you no matter what

and stayed that way
until i made it worse—

worse by lacing myself with invisible expectations,
trying to be better than the rest,
and apparently failing miserably so.

i blamed them—
for the pressure, the standards, the silence—
but it was always me
who became the angry shadow,
cursing through each loss,
reminding me of my failures
in the tone of quiet condescension.

a toxic relationship bloomed
between my head and heart—
the head, a relentless bully;
the heart, the bruised listener,
bearing storms no one else noticed.

and it was always one achievement after another,
never an end, never a stop.
just a fear—
a fear of being left behind,
of fading into the crowd,
of becoming
mediocre.

somehow,
for them, there was never satisfaction—
just a hunger to prove,
an addiction to superiority,
and no one ever saw through it.
for that,
i’m almost grateful.

~dishita